New York and Mumbai

My stay in the US has been enlightening. The US is no longer a country whose sights and smells I felt in Hollywood movies. It is real, it is here - the sights, the tourist destinations, the roads, the rules, the cops, the accent, the greetings, the sense of being a misfit. While I'm getting to know this country a lot better, I'm also getting to know my own country a lot better and how a big mess it is in. I am getting a chance to have a look at my country from an external viewpoint and the view is disappointing.

Politics, goons who become politicians, fast food being labeled as a catalyst for rape, maximum city being reduced to a minimum after the death of a leader, women arrested for voicing their opinion on this bandh, their relatives' livelihood being broken to pieces by vandals. Our country is such a mess. It is not that I am realizing this only now - I did get to see such things when I was back in my own country, where media runs free (amok). But, now, I am able to objectively compare this country with my own. Every new thing I see here, I wonder when it will be seen in our own country. Traffic rules being obeyed, respect for personal space and opinion, smooth and hassle-free public processes, innovative use of technology in common aspects of life. Life is a lot easier here, life is valued more, life has a lot of breathing space and money. Life very much revolves around the self.

And, this is exactly where my country is ahead - culture. Our culture tries to prevent us from being self-centered - decisions are influenced by family, marriage is a social occasion and a one-time commitment (though that is changing, and that gives credence to our 'cultural guardians' when they say we are getting 'westernized'), friends have a different meaning in our lives, parents are priority before marriage and wife and kids after marriage. I have hardly scratched the surface, or maybe missed the whole point, in describing our culture - most of the features I have listed about our culture apply to most other cultures, even the US culture. We all know what the Indian culture is about, I just can't put it in enough words.

And it is exactly this culture that puts my country behind. Our culture wreaks havoc in the public service system and leaves a lot of room for corruption, lack of accountability and general callousness. Khap panchayats, regional political parties, the caste system (it still determines who marries who), illogical reservations in the education system. These are just some of the outcomes of our culture. I listen to general discussions about the Indian and US cultures here, and the Indian supporters fall flat on their faces, when the point of public accountability comes to the fore.

So, when we hear an NRI say that he would never like to come back to India, our neo-patriots scoff and mock him saying that 'money is money after all'. I'd say, it's not just the money, it's a lot more. Yes, our country is more human (People manage to survive in Mumbai inspite of the sheer size of the population, imagining New York with this population would engender a book in its own. Hurricane Sandy showed just how shallow the human heart is here - people attacked each other when there were long queues for gas). But, I'd say the NRI is justified.

We visited New York the other day and when we reached Times Square (this is where I witnessed the most number of people in one same place inside the US, although Andheri station in peak hours easily beats this crowd), my friend said, "This feels like Mumbai".

"Really?"

Mumbai autos: the tariff guide

On an unfortunate day like today when I had to travel home from office in an auto-rickshaw, I had a chance to look up the new tariff card, which has been made effective from 20th April, 2012. I verified the tariff card to be genuine, thanks to an article I read in the paper a few days back. The fares are costly now, no doubt, but the fares are easier to calculate now.

The fare card says that the minimum fare is Rs.12, and Rs. 7.5 for every km after. It basically translates that for very tick of the meter, the fare increases by Rs. 1.50. That in turn translates to a nice little formula you can use to calculate the fare of any auto-journey. Read on:

1. There are 4 digits in the meter. Separate the first 2 digits and the last 2 digits, with a decimal point, e.g. 1020 means 10.20
2. Multiply by 15 e.g. 10.20 x 15 = 153
3. Subtract 3  e.g. 153 - 3 = 150

Simple! Now that there are cell phones with calculators, you can use this formula to make sure that the auto-guy is not cheating you with a fake tariff card. Hope this helps!

BEST management ever

Some 3 weeks back, there was this horrific news story of a BEST bus overturning at high speed. Reading the article and thinking how it might have happened, I imagined myself being in that damned bus. Picture this:

Seated at the window, I feel a sense of adventure as the bus speeds and honks its way on the highway, brushing smaller vehicles aside, swerving at the corners and bumping over the speed-breakers. Being me, I enjoy the ride, happy that I'll reach my destination soon, even as some of my co-passengers swear at the bus-driver and some others share my joy. Some uncles are visibly angry, some discuss about the BEST's plight and stuff, and maybe, some lady is arguing with the conductor. Everyone sense something might go wrong. But, no one acts. They all just swear and abuse, the bus-conductor timidly listens, or abuses back, giving some lame excuse but none of them move their asses to get the right thing done - confront the driver and stop him. I am having a good laugh, as I always do when I hear people abusing each other in regional languages!

After some time, the story happens. The bus-driver is in cruise mode and jumps a signal, making a really sharp right turn at high speed. That's the blood-freezing moment when everyone realizes it is a double-decker bus and it is quite surely overturning to the left side. Everyone braces themselves, hanging on to something. This does not happen everyday, I do not remember seeing such a scene in any movie as well. The scene that comes closest is from the fantastic "Speed", where Sandra Bullock makes the hijacked bus take a sharp right turn, but not before everyone moves to the right. So, the bus flips back on to its wheels and moves on. This BEST bus is hijacked alright, it is already overturning, Keanu Reeves has not instructed, "This side of the bus, please, this side!", and before I complete my thought, there is a loud crash and screech of glass against mortar. The bus stops, finally, not on four wheels, though!

Seated on the left side, I bear the brunt of the accident - my back is to the ground, window glass lies shattered beneath me, there are people on top of me in a jumbled state and I can barely breathe under their weight and smell. Till the passengers come to their senses (it takes some 15-20 minutes!), I am still there, but I am used to it by now. I adjust a bit here and there and manage to survive. At the time I am rescued, it is 90 minutes since the bus has overturned - 90 grueling minutes of some sort of a forced yoga position. I have fractured something, but I feel lucky to have survived it. It could have been worse, but this is good enough for me.

In fact, none of my co-passengers died because of this freak accident. You may be feeling good, right, but hang on! The bus crushed a bike when it overturned. THE BUS (17 ton double decker) CRUSHED A BIKE (0.5 ton Pulsar) WHEN IT OVERTURNED (at some 50-odd speed). The bike, of course, had a rider (0.07 ton average guy), and he was the sole casualty of this freak show. Imagining being a passenger is okay, but imagining being in this man's position is what gives me the blood-curdle.

Back to reality - From the next day (and this was immediately apparent, since I am a regular traveler), bus drivers were more cautious. I noticed it in my daily beloved super-express 489 bus. No flyovers, no overtaking other buses, just sad, slow, harrowing journeys. I took this up with a friendly 489 bus-conductor and he admitted that it was a "management decision" to not overtake buses, especially those on the same route. What sort of a solution is this! Safe driving does not mean slow driving! This is the solution coming out of the minds of the illiterate literates sitting at the "management" positions of the BEST. These super-men have masterminded (of course, inadvertently) the declining revenues of the BEST over the years, making disastrous decisions with AC buses and silly decisions with bus routes and ticket fares. BEST bus conductors themselves admit that these "management" guys are no-gooders, lacking basic common sense - good business sense is a far cry. God bless the BEST!

Why do we blog

Hi, if anyone is reading this. It has been more than 2 years since I have posted anything worthwhile here, and sometimes I wonder why. When I first started off this blog, I was eager to try something new, get my ideas out into the world, etc. etc. But, as time passed, the ideas were forgotten, the posts got fewer, the content got drab, and the blog reduced to nothing. This can be attributed to many things - freakish job schedule, rubbish internet connection (MTNL Triband - zero connectivity in monsoon and when you need it!), general disinterest, little/negative feedback to the blog, but the main reason was lack of commitment. And a blog is like a relationship - if you ain't committed, it ain't gonna work.

Whenever I felt like posting something here, but I couldn't bring myself to log in to blogger, let alone posting something here. Unlike many other blogs, this blog is not for a business (I have no business! :P), and my motivation to earn (through AdSense) is little. In fact, this lack of motivation to blog was a part of a larger lack of motivation to live. (I do not want to delve into the reasons for this at this moment!)

So, what has changed now? Why is this blog post coming through and getting published? It is the realization of the value of commitment. I met someone special in the past week, and out of the many things I admire about her, one is her level of commitment. I realized that if I had even an iota of her level of commitment, I can progress in life and be happier. I had created this blog for my own satisfaction, and I must be committed to posting here, whatever the post content might be. After all, a blog is a public diary, and you can write anything in your diary.

Resolve to blog more!

One of the many New Year resolutions I have made is to blog more. The last year was famine for me in terms of blogging activity and it is only today that I realize what a pity this is! In the whole of last year, whenever a nice idea or thought has come to my mind, it has stayed exactly there - my mind. All these nice ideas and thoughts were such that they deserved to be shared in a blog post or something. Various problems contributed to this situation.

The new job that I have taken up has severely restricted my access to Internet for personal purposes. The only time I have got to surf the Internet for myself during weekdays is post 11pm. Post 11pm, I am never awake. And on weekends, I cannot bring myself to switch on the PC, let alone put up a blog post.

Also, lack of a good phone is a major factor. I wish I could blog from my phone so that I could blog on the go. It would be so cool to share a cool idea or cool song or a movie review with everyone whenever and wherever I want. It could be in a crowded bus, at work, during lunch, wherever.

However, no excuses anymore. Maybe I'll buy a new phone - maybe not. Maybe things will change at work - maybe not. No matter what, I must blog more and blog to my heart's content. Good luck to me and to all who are reading this!

The tragedies of a BEST bus commuter

It has been quite a period of time since I have been using the BEST bus service for my work commute. It will be quite a period of time I keep using the BEST as it is the best and shortest way to get from Dahisar to Powai.

While the experience until now has been bittersweet, it is more bitter than sweet. I think I'll better sum it up nicely rather than rant on and on and never reach the end of it.

The tragedies of a BEST bus commuter:

1. Waiting for an hour for a 489 at Dahisar Bridge.
2. If one doesn't come up after an hour, going to Borivli station and waiting for an AS-461.
3. If even the AS-461 doesn't come along, going to the eastern side and seeing a goddamn 489 pass right in front of your goddamn eyes!
4. Getting into a 10 am 489 bus from Dahisar Bridge under heavy rain and with many, many people around you.
5. Sitting in a ladies' seat purely by mistake, only to be rudely driven out of it by an angry aunty and worse, be educated in decency and courtesy towards women.
6. Getting into a seat beside a smelly UP guy, who abuses so much into his Nokia N73 China model that it needs an aunty to stop him.
7. BEST TV at its worst and dishing out the same old heady mix of "Chandan ka meethha paan" ads and "Body & Soul" shit all the time.
8. Getting into an argument with a bus conductor who you think is timid, but who turns out to be a foul-mouthed fighter cock.
9. Waking up from a good window-side sleep, only to see yourself drenched in the rain.
10. Discovering that the open window is jammed and the bus is overcrowded, so there is no place for you to stand - you have to sit in the rain!
11. Your 489 bus shutting down right in the middle of Aarey Milk Colony.
12. Standing all the way from Dahisar Bridge to Powai in a wildly speeding and swinging 489 bus - so you feel as if you are going home from work, and not vice-versa.
    
13. Your wild 489 bus skidding down a slippery Malad flyover and narrowly escaping a major accident - so now you have to get into another bus to Powai from a crowded bus stop on the frigging Western Express highway.
    
14. Feeling quite nice when your bus skips many stops to help you reach work faster, then feeling quite differently when it skips your stop as well.
    
15. More than 5 of the above tragedies happening on the same day, driving you completely nuts.

Five months into this "BEST experience", I have seen a lot - I have seen multiple tragedies on the same day and yet survived to tell the tale. You get to see a lot more.

• A very old woman tries to get into the bus. The bus, as usual, is in a hurry and the conductor rings it - result - the woman has a really bad fall. The bus stops, the conductor gets shouted at, the driver gets called in, then both of them almost get beaten up - that was by half the people on the bus. The rest just want the mess to get over - they need to get to work. The old woman is helping herself up, all by herself.
• A guy sees a girl and realizes she needs a seat. He requests another guy to vacate the ladies' seat he has occupied and the girl gets a seat. Meanwhile, the other guy wakes up from his sleep and starts talking loudly to the first guy.
  "Why the hell did you wake me up?", "Can't she stand?", "Can't you see I was sleeping?", "Is she your girlfriend or *****?", "Ladies can also stand, why do men like me need to stand for *****s like her?". The good guy just says,"Shut up, you m****c***!!". The crowd laughs - after all, who doesn't like a good show for free!
  

Beware of such emails

Following is the content of an email I received today. The email was moved to Spam automatically, and usually I just empty out the Spam blindly, but the subject of this email was just too good: Please Reply Urgent

All of you who are reading this, please do not reply or forward or do anything other than delete such an email if it happens to drop into your inbox.

Gmail, please do something about this nuisance!

Please Reply Urgent
Bill & Exchange Manager.
ahmedjean10@gmail.com
I am Mr. Ahmed Jean, a banker in Islamic Development Bank (IsDB). I have decided to contact you on a business deal of us$10.000.000 (ten million United States dollars). The depositor of the said fund died with his entire family during the Iraq war in 2004. According to our banking law, if the fund remains unclaimed for six (6) years then, the fund will be transferred into the reserve bank as unclaimed bill.
I wish to present you as his cousin or business partner so that the bank will transfer the fund into your bank account for us to share it. Your percentage will be 40% while 60% will be for me. As an insider in this bank, I assure you that, this transaction is 100% risk free. If you are willing for this deal, contact me for more details but if you are not capable, please notify me.
The transaction will take us only few banking days. Do not disclose this deal to anybody because I want the secret to be between us only. I will give you the text of the application to fill and send to the Bank for the release of the fund into your bank account on the receipt of your message.
I will be glad to hear from you as soon as you receive this message as to enable me give you the application to fill and send to the bank.
(1) Full names:
(2) Private phone number:
(3) Current residential address:
(4) Occupation:
(5) Age and Sex:
Yours faithful,
Mr.ahmed jean
Bill & Exchange Manager
ahmedjean10@gmail.com

84 things not to do in Mumbai

Here's a hilarious email I received today. Some of the points are matter-of-fact and serious, but it is those matter-of-fact yet hilarious points that got me going.

This is some serious advice for localites and non-localites alike.

1. Get into a Virar train if you are going to Borivali.

2. Take a Taxi outside Dadar or Kurla station - all are chors.

3. Eat Bhel at Kailash Parbat.

4. Call a cop Pandu.

5. Argue with a Koli Fisherwoman.

6. Get a 11 Rupee massage at Girgaum Chowpatty.

7. Call a BEST bus driver Bablia.

8. Buy enhancement medicines from Van - Travelling Hakims who are the desi versions of the flying doctors.

9. Look smart while visiting Chor Bazaar.

10. Ask the Sandwich wallah on Dalal Street for market tips.

11. Stand in front of Amitabh/Shahrukh/Salman's house - people may laugh at you as you look stupid and it is a thorough waste of time.

12. Visit Baba Bengalis - they are neither Babas or Bengalis, they are all perverts and thugs.

13. Visit sleazy Video Parlours and get caught in a raid.

14. Get excited and start jumping when someone offers you Paanch ka Dollar, it's just a tiny 5 Rupee coin.

15. Go for a Shiv Sena rally in the hope of a Free Vada Pav and Shiv Sena Banian.

16. Stare at Koli Women in Gorai and Make fun of Kolis in their Kasti. (ROTFLOL!!!!)

17. While commuting do not tease people shitting near the tracks, they throw stones back at the train

18. Hang outside the train, Poles might hit you before the crowds will.

19. Tease a Hijra.

20. Bribe a Porter to grab a seat in V.T, chances are he might run off with your money and even beat you.

21. Get conned at Fountain from Guys selling cheap Mobiles, they mesmerize and wrap soap bars.

22. Avoid pimps behinds Mondegar & Pasta Lanes.

23. Donate money to the Crying Cab driver, he has conned thousands.

24. Invite Brass Polishwalas into your house.

25. Sit for more than 20 mins extra at an Irani Cafe - the Bawa owner might shout some sister abuses.

26. Drink Neera at 5 pm at Dadar Station.

27. Have lassi outside Dadar Station (west), they add Tissue Paper while preparing it.

28. Throw stones at monkeys in Borivali National Park.

29. Loiter around in Shivaji Park on Dec 6th.

30. Ask for a bargain at the Maharashtrian Cloth store in Dadar.

31. Call up 26407383 Beanbags thinking it's an escort service.

32. Call a Maharashtrian guy Bhaiya, no matter how respectful you mean.

33. Go to Mondegar and ask for a Jain Pav Bhaji.

34. Look straight and walk - there are open Manholes, flicked by Druggies.

35. Wear Brown Khakis shirts - people will mistake you for BMC staff.

36. Ask for Warranty & Guarantee from the Mallu Electronic stalls in Fountain area.

37. Search for the Kala Ghoda in Kala Ghoda.

38. Ask why statues in Bombay have one finger pointed like Umpires.

39. Apply Rai ka Tel on your head and travel by public transport.

40. Go to Chor Bazaar in your Car or Bike.

41. Wear nice footwear to SiddiVinayak or Mahalakshmi Temple

42. Go to Haji Ali during high tides.

43. Go to work when a Shiv Sena bandh is on.

44. Dial 100 for fun, Cops will put your entire family behind bars and use bars.

45. Buy water & tea for Chai-Pani, Old Monk should work.

46. Fall asleep on the Harbour Line, Thieves will strip you of everything.

47. Eat Missal / Ussal Pav before going to work.

48. Board a fast train in Dadar to go to Bandra - Opposite platforms and a very horrible crowd.

49. Go for midnight mass thinking you can patao chicks.

50. Give money to bhikari (he is the same guy who is @siddhivinayak on Tuesday, @mahim church wed, @mahim dargah on Thursday, and @hajiali on Friday, @mount mary on Sunday).

51. Go to an Orchestra Bar, it's nothing but the local banjo party guys in better clothes.

52. Talk to a Gujju for more than 10 mins, he will start playing garba with you

53. Go to Versova beach, it's full of shit and methi plants.

54. Join any friendship club, its like inviting blackmailers.

55. Go to Bhagwathi hospital in Borivali. (ROFL!@#!$#@!)!

56. Pronounce Sandhurst correctly, Sandas Rd makes more sense.

57. Ask where is the Chinch in Chinchpokli or Chincholi.

58. Trouble naughty couples in the A/c Buses.

59. Go for morning show in sidey theatre expecting sleazy action, you might encounter khudkushi action around you.

60. Travel from Andheri to Ghatkopar by Bus, the bus is full of pickpockets.

61. Travel ticketless on Friday - if you are caught, Anadi court is a big torture.

62. Wear a Red tie or red handkerchief and stand near Gateway or Radio Club, it's a gigolo symbol.

63. Give 100 bucks to a conductor and expect him to give you change, he will sadistically torment you till the last stop.

64. Buy cheap booze in Churchgate Subway and get caught by cops for not having permits.

65. Buy Crackers from Essabhai, Crawford Market and travel in train.

66. Go to National park with your GF/Wife and take the jungle route Robbers & Adivasis might loot you.

67. Ask for free Chakna in bars, its history since Aug 2, 2008.

68. Go to Voodoos on Saturday, its the only Gay bar between Istanbul and Bangkok.

69. Go to Navy Nagar and think you can buy booze for cheap.

70. Try to play all the instruments at Furtados in Dhobi Talao.

71. Stand close to the platform when the Rajdhani is passing, a sonic and nuclear blast of fart, shit and farsan will hit you. (ROFLMAO!!!!!)

72. Ask for extra chutney and sambhar in Udupi hotels.

73. Visit Ganga Jamuna in Tardeo thinking it's a holy place.

74. Assume that booksellers in Fountains are dumbos, they know their Pulitzers and Bookers more than us.

75. Take the driving test, paying 300 bucks makes more sense.

76. Do a court marriage in Bandra court.

77. Count the numbers of floors of Oberoi towers just because Amitabh did.

78. Bet against India in a game, Australia is the safest option.

79. Get scared and not gamble in the McDowell Derby at Mahalaksmi Race Course.

80. Note down prices or take Photos at Alfa in Irla.

81. Buy 100 bucks Windcheaters from Churchgate, they are all the ones recycled by the Bhandiwalis.

82. Search for Tigers in Borivali National Park, they will end up finding you!

83. Search the roads & gutters of Chira Bazaar & Opera House hoping to find diamonds just because the newspapers claim so.

84. All the things mentioned are NOT to be DONE in Mumbai.

Watch Inception with a brain or two

I love Christopher Nolan movies because they make me think. I hate them because he's always trying to show off his intelligence. Inception is one more movie which I will have to watch again to grasp it completely. I think Nolan cuts off a sizable proportion of his audience by making his movies intellectually complex. Many people like me find The Dark Knight amazing, but there are plenty more people who think it sucks and slept before halfway through the movie. (I think that's reasonable - if you just fail to appreciate Ledger's performance and hate superheroes, the movie has little in terms of quality entertainment).

I am meandering away right at the start here, and let me get to the point. Inception is a truly standout movie, purely on merit of its concept, its idea. I remember watching the trailer in May and getting all excited about the basic idea of the movie - robbing your ideas in your subconscious. I couldn't wait to watch it unfold on screen. Other than the basic idea, the movie is good action, with a strong performance from DiCaprio, but that's pretty much it, I believe. The movie could be much, much more.

Watanabe is initially projected as a villain, but gets reduced to a tame supporting role. Ellen Page's role promised much and delivered to a good extent, but did not satisfy. The source of Cobb's disturbed mental state is unconvincing - the whole Mal line could be dropped off and more complex relationships between the team members themselves could be portrayed. I would have liked to see Tom Hardy and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, in particular, with meatier roles - giving their roles as much meat as Ellen Page's role has would be good. Having said that, the Mal line does increase the depth of Cobb's character and does justify Nolan's claim that "the emotional journey of Cobb's character is the driving force of the movie." (That's pretty damn right, Cobb's role to Inception is just what The Joker was to Dark Knight)

Keeping the actors and the roles aside, the development of the idea is really good. The thief creates the world of the dream and the victim fills it with his subconscious. The victim can be made to dream within a dream, driving everyone in the heist deeper into his subconscious and hence closer to his secrets. The deeper the level of the dream, the slower time passes. So, 2 minutes in real life means an hour at the first dream level and 10 hours at the second level and so on. The thief takes advantage of the fact that on waking up, the victim never remembers how his dream began, but only the end. I found the concept of limbo very interesting. It goes like this: If you are hurt in a dream, the pain feels very real, but you are still in your dream. If you die in your dream, you wake up instantly. But, if you die in your dream while being too sedated to wake up, you go into limbo - a state of unconstructed dream space where a few real-time seconds can be decades.

These are the things that make the movie intellectually irresistible - just like The Matrix. And that's why it's a must watch. Watch it seriously with a bunch of non-nuthead friends and you will be talking about it for a while after.

The Men

I don't know why but I like this picture.

Why ask for sunshine? Why ask for rain?

I awoke this morning with a strange thought (strange enough to be a morning thought!) - the last 7 years of my life have been spent learning tech! My mind raced back to the moment I chose to take up Science with IT as a vocational subject in Bhavan's College. That was way way back in June 2003. And then, I thought about the moment I stepped into St. Francis Institute of Technology to become an IT engineer. What was I thinking?! It turns out that I wasn't thinking at all. And it has been the same for me all my life. The moments I wasn't thinking have been the moments that have shaped my life.

What you may have surmised by now is that I am one of the '3 Idiots' - discontented, grumpy, self-pitying individual who just wonders now why the hell he took up engineering when he knew there was a better alternative. The truth is quite the opposite! I can hardly imagine myself working in any field other than Computers. Maybe, math was a better choice and I am a good photographer too. But at this stage, I can safely say I am blessed. Your life is nothing but the sum of the choices you make, and I am glad I made the right choices every time. Maybe they were not the best choices (one of them was not even a conscious one!), but all-in-all the tech life which I lead is good.

Making the right choices to shape your career is not always easy. You need to do your homework, ask questions, look for answers and hope for the best. But, once you make your choice, you better stick to it no matter what and give it your best. Else, life will be tough and you will be left asking for some sunshine and some rain!

A walk in heaven

The train comes to a halt and you are awoken by the gentle jerk. It has been 15 minutes since this walk in heaven has commenced and you just want to keep walking. You look around - the train is still crowded, the people are the same, MP3ing or just staring at no one. Your walk in heaven can resume. The train starts, you close your eyes and you are walking again.

10 minutes later, your walk in heaven ends - it's time to walk home. You get out of the train feeling a lot lighter - in body, in mind, and more noticeably, in cash.

Making friends

Shit happens!

Disclaimer: I do not support or endorse any of the comments in the picture above. I just find them funny.

TCS - a new beginning

I could not find an apt alternative title, so had to make do with the cliche. It is a new beginning for me as a TCS associate. Yes, that's the title one gets for being an employee of TCS. Two weeks into this association and it definitely feels good. TCS is an excellent company with a reputation for certainty and I am truly proud of being a part of the No. 1 IT company in India. The name TATA evokes a certain respect in the Indian mind and I just hope I live up to that image.

No new beginning, however, is perfect. A new beginning means change and this change has been tremendous. The commute, the dress code, the workplace, the colleagues - in short, the newness of it all can be overwhelming at times. My current work location is somewhere near The Leela Kempinski in Andheri and it is not exactly work for us all - it is training or Initial Learning Program as it is officially termed. Most of my colleagues in my batch are not from Mumbai, the dress code is a bit stern, but these are not issues at all. It is the commute that is the grave issue .

Me being a resident of humble Dahisar, my daily commute to The Leela Kempinski involves a bus from Dahisar to Borivali, a train from Borivali to Andheri and a bus (or rick) from Andheri to Marol. The commute to work is fine, but it is the journey back home in the evening that is currently ruining my "association". A 15 minute route from The Leela to Andheri station takes 1 hour by bus and nearly Rs. 30 by rick, both of which are undesirable, but frustratingly the only available options. There are friends to share the fare by rick and there's an alternative, fast route via Sahar Road. But both options hit the wallet hard, especially when you are in the first month of employment.

Andheri East has become a civic nightmare, thanks to the Metro construction. As for the train journey, the first class pass doesn't matter as the rush is same as second class, plus rowdiness and lack of cooperation with fellow commuters makes matters worse. Grumpy young and grumpy old men in first class compartments give stares at the slightest push - they all want their nice little comfort zones in an inhumanly packed rush-hour local! Mumbaikar's spirit - what's that?!

However, I can't grieve too much. I am happy that I am employed after 5 months of the devil's workshop. Things could have been worse. Everything happens for the best. It's time to "Experience Certainty"!!

Softwarism!

An e-mail doing the rounds today - a day filled with boredom of the highest order

Gandhism:

You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism:

You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism:

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism:

You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Rajivism:

You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism:(Ultimate. ...):

Client has 2 cows and you need to milk them.

1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off).

2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan).

3 . Prepare a document on exactly how to milk them (Design).

4 . Prepare a list of other accessories needed to milk them (Framework).

5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which you will milk them (UI Mockups & POC).

6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2.

7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problems with accessories (Change framework).

8 . Redo step 4

9 . At last milk them and send it onsite (Coding over).

10. Make sure that cow milks properly (Testing).

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls.

13. At last milk them onsite and send to client (Testing).

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test).

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk.

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but milking is at slow rate (performance issue).

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the cows are aged and can't milk at all. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!


I don't know if it is funny or disgusting or what. It's just good timepass to read.
(Disclaimer: Not all of the ideas expressed above are endorsed by the author of the blog)

Mohammad Rafi's 'Meri Mehbooba' remixed

This is an audio clip that I recorded about a month ago when I was on my way to Mumbai Central on a Churchgate-bound slow local from Borivli. I was listening away on my T10 when this 'band' of three came along. Their loud 'music' added to the general noise and rendered my T10 useless as I could not hear a single note through my earphones. That is when I decided to record a nice little sampling of Mumbai local 'music' using the T10.

The number played out by the 'band' is "Meri Mehbooba", the Hindi lyrics and other details of which can be found here. Sung by Mohammad Rafi and composed by Laxmikant Pyarelal, the Mumbai local version I present here is a very different take on the original.

I could have presented an audio clip here, but the problem with Blogger here is that audio clips can be uploaded as they are. So I combined the original audio with a bland Slumdog Millionaire picture (that's how uncreative I can be!) to produce a video clip instead. So put on your speakers or headphones or earphones and play on for some Mumbai local 'music'.

Mumbaikar Chirantan Patnaik sets unique gaming world record

A 26-year old Mumbaikar from Napean Sea Road has set the world record for playing the longest non-stop session of the popular PS3 game GTA IV (Grand Theft Auto 4). The previous record of 28 hours and 1 minute was broken by a long way with a huge 40 hours and 20 minutes. The record has not been made official by Guinness as of now, but the entire attempt was streamed live on the gamer's blog.

However, what takes the zing out of the feat is that the competition does not require one to be seated in one place all the while. Breaks of 10 minutes are allowed every hour for eating, etc. With such laxities, I am sure many hardcore gamers may have already accomplished the world record feat, though their feat will never be official. Any ways, hats-off to the guy Chirantan Patnaik as on-off gamers like me can never even dream of playing non-stop for 40 hours, leave alone 5 hours!

Microsoft India to train school teachers in IT

The Maharashtra state has accepted an initiative from Microsoft India to train school teachers in Information Technology. The initiative is said to focus on "employability-readiness" among junior college students by imbibing the fundamentals of computing at an early stage.

A step in the right direction, this initiative may result in more students taking up Computer-related science and engineering courses like Computer Science and Information Technology. Who knows, in years to come, this initiative may eliminate the need for IT companies to train students placed in campus recruitments.

I see Microsoft making more inroads into the Indian student scene and making its presence felt in a big way. In late 2007, I attended a sort-of orientation session (there was a name to it, I don't remember exactly) organized by Microsoft for Visual Studio 2008 in the Andheri branch of Aptech and that single session has led me to a probably lifelong association with .NET. Then there was the DreamSpark program early this year which sparked off a huge wave of students appearing for MCTS certification exams and the like. Way to go, Microsoft!

The 4-year holiday called Engineering!

An e-mail doing the rounds today - a day when the final Semester results of IT Engineering are out. Here it goes:

The 4-year holiday called Engineering !!!
Things we have to remember.... common to all Engineering friends :

1) The lecturers don’t teach. The students don’t study.. The only guy who benefits is the one who owns the 'dhaba' next to the college.

2) Rules are made to be broken.

3) Deadlines are made to be extended...ALWAYS!

4) Guys always think the girls in the college next lane are more beautiful.

5) The geeks are the most pampered lot during the internal exams.

6) The lab assistants are the most respected people (during the lab exams)

7) Watchmen are the people most bribed.

8) The HOD is the person most respected (heights of sycophancy here).

9) The principal is the person most abused and insulted (behind the back)

10) Dropping subjects is 'cool' (arre yaar… drop the idea of dropping subjects plzz).

11) There is always a lecturer in the college who can’t speak proper 'English'.

12) Night-out is the second most important tool to ace the exams.

13) The most important tool… the bhramastra… is the 'chit' in which the words can be understood only by the person who wrote them (in most of the cases)

14) The freshers are the most seen in the canteen, in the 'free' periods or for completing the records, assignments.

15) The second-years are the ones with the 'I am the don-of-the-college' feeling.

16) The third years are the ones with the 'so-many-backlogs' feeling and the poor souls get down to studying after bossing around in the college for so long. But the fun still continues…

17) The fourth years have no connection with the college whatsoever...with no interest in ragging, pulling each other’s legs, the b'day parties, the b'day bums etc all which they enjoyed so much till now. All they want is a good placement and a 1st-class tag attached to their memo.

19) The first three years are spent in cursing the college, the people there, the system and all.

20) But towards the end of the fourth year, people tend to feel nostalgic about the pure unadulterated fun they have had for 4 years. Now the very system they disliked, the very canteen they cursed, the time that they spent there, the b’day bums they suffered… all these seem like heaven to them… As a engineering student everyone wanted to get out of the college fast... Now they realize that incomplete journal, and KT’s were far better than unfulfilled dreams & broken emotions... miss the engineering life…

(Disclaimer: Not all of the ideas expressed above are endorsed by the author of the blog)